When Your Child Isn’t Getting Enough Game Time: What Parents Should Know

Few things are harder for a parent than watching your child sit on the bench game after game. You know how much they love soccer—and you want them to feel included and valued. So what should you do when your child isn’t getting enough playing time? Here’s how to approach the situation calmly and constructively.

1. Start With Empathy

Your child may feel frustrated, embarrassed, or even question their abilities. The best thing you can do first is listen. Try saying:

• “I can see you’re disappointed. Want to talk about it?”
  This shows you care and keeps the conversation open.

2. Understand the Coach’s Perspective

Coaches often balance multiple priorities—development, team goals, league rules. Before assuming favoritism, consider:

• Is the team competitive or recreational?

• Are there playing-time policies in place?
  Knowing the context helps you approach the issue fairly.

3. Avoid Negative Sideline Talk

It’s tempting to vent about the coach in front of your child—but it can make them feel worse or damage trust. Keep your comments positive and focused on what your child can control.

4. Encourage a Growth Mindset

Remind your child that playing time often improves with effort and persistence. Phrases like:

• “What skill do you want to work on this week?”

• “Every athlete starts somewhere—let’s keep improving.”
  This keeps their motivation alive without blame.

5. Create Extra Opportunities to Play

If game time is limited, find other ways to keep soccer fun and skills sharp:

• Backyard or park kick-arounds

• Small community leagues

• Pickup games with friends
  Confidence grows when they get touches on the ball.

6. Consider Talking to the Coach—Calmly

If the lack of playing time is extreme or unclear, request a private conversation. Tips for success:

• Choose a neutral time (not after a heated game).

• Be respectful: “We appreciate your work with the team.”

• Ask for guidance: “What can my child work on to earn more time?”
  This shows you’re a partner, not a critic.

7. Know When It’s About Fit

If your child is consistently unhappy and the environment feels overly competitive for their stage, it may be time to consider a different team next season—one that aligns better with their goals and personality.

8. Keep Perspective

Game time matters, but the bigger picture is your child’s love for the sport, their health, and their confidence. Keep soccer fun at home and remind them that effort—not minutes on the field—is what truly counts.

Final Thought

Bench time can feel tough, but it doesn’t define your child’s worth—or their future in soccer. With empathy, communication, and encouragement, you can turn this challenge into a lesson in resilience and perseverance.